


Words Aren't Needed

by TheMerlinCollective



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inktober 2020, M/M, Merlin misses Will, Past Character Death, Pre-Slash, mostly comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26812771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMerlinCollective/pseuds/TheMerlinCollective
Summary: Neither of them spoke. Arthur hadn’t brought a fishing pole, so they took turns with Merlin’s. He didn’t ask why Arthur was there, and Arthur didn’t ask why he was slacking off instead of gathering herbs, like Gaius had said. They didn’t catch anything, sitting there as the sun made its slow trek across the sky, but they didn’t mind, either.Merlin didn’t know how much time had passed when Arthur finally spoke.“It’s the anniversary, isn’t it?” It didn’t sound like a question. Merlin tensed and Arthur sighed. “You didn’t have to lie, you know. You could have asked for the day off.”Merlin snorted a laugh, but even that sounded not-quite-right, like the joy was missing from it. Arthur turned and looked at him. The pole laid forgotten between them.Written for Inktober Day 1
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Will (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 65





	Words Aren't Needed

Merlin felt himself falling asleep for what must have been the tenth time. He’d never been a fan of fishing, He and will used to go to the lake near Ealdor a lot, though, and he missed the familiarity sometimes. He had packed his bag, asked Gaius to cover for him with Arthur, and headed out to the nearby river.

It wasn’t the same. Instead of the fond nostalgia he had been looking for, he just felt sad and tired. So tired. His eyes were closing again, and he forced himself to sit upright. He stared into the steadily flowing waters, searching for any fish that may be nearby even if he didn’t like actually catching them. Will used to make fun of him for that.

“That’s the point of fishing, Merlin!” he’d say, the usual laugh in his voice. And then he’d push Merlin, just lightly enough to be felt, and he’d push back, and it would always end with both of them in the lake. Merlin’s lips tugged up into a smile at the memories, but it faded just as quickly. He missed Will so much he could hardly breathe, sometimes.

It was somehow both better and worse in Camelot. He didn’t see his face in the corner of his eye, and he didn’t hear his laugh on the wind, here. There weren’t memories of him woven into the streets, every tree. But sometimes Merlin _wanted_ to remember him. And he couldn’t in Camelot because Will died protecting him, and he couldn’t be seen mourning a sorcerer.

Arthur didn’t even let him mourn at Will’s funeral.

He pushed the memory aside, determined not to think of it today. Today was about the good times, not the bad. Today was about feeling the ghost of Will instead of the absence. Merlin took a breath, and inhaled the noise of the forest, the life of it all. He didn’t want to feel alone today. He could feel the bird in the trees, the deer and the rabbits, the insects scattered about the forest. He could even feel the fish in the river, steering well clear of his line. He could feel-

Merlin stood and spun around, ready to defend against whoever was watching him, only to be met with familiar blue eyes and blond hair. He sighed and deflated, his shoulders loosening. Arthur had his hands up and a faintly bemused expression on his face that faded quickly.

“Didn’t mean to startle you, Merlin,” he said, but the usual teasing tone was replaced with sincerity. Merlin looked up at him curiously. He raised an eyebrow in question. Instead of answering, Arthur heaved a sigh of his own and moved to sit on the riverbed. Merlin sat next to him.

Neither of them spoke. Arthur hadn’t brought a fishing pole, so they took turns with Merlin’s. He didn’t ask why Arthur was there, and Arthur didn’t ask why he was slacking off instead of gathering herbs, like Gaius had said. They didn’t catch anything, sitting there as the sun made its slow trek across the sky, but they didn’t mind, either.

Merlin didn’t know how much time had passed when Arthur finally spoke.

“It’s the anniversary, isn’t it?” It didn’t sound like a question. Merlin tensed and Arthur sighed. “You didn’t have to lie, you know. You could have asked for the day off.”

Merlin snorted a laugh, but even that sounded not-quite-right, like the joy was missing from it. Arthur turned and looked at him. The pole laid forgotten between them.

“I’m serious, Merlin,” he said, and Merlin could see the truth of it in his eyes. He remained skeptical. “He was your best friend, and he died honorably. He died protecting his village, protecting _me_. The least I could do is give you the day off to honor him in turn.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that. His throat felt too constricted for speech, and his eyes burned. He turned his head back to the river. He felt Arthur shift beside him, but didn’t turn.

The silence lasted a few minutes longer, not quite as comfortable as before, before Arthur breaks it again. “...Is it because of the magic?” he asked.

If Merlin thought he was tense before, he was completely rigid now. There was fear creeping through his veins, too familiar since he came to Camelot. Arthur exhaled beside him. “Thought so,” he mumbled. Merlin wasn’t sure he was meant to hear that. “I would not begrudge you that friendship, Merlin, even though he was a sorcerer.” Merlin flinched and Arthur quickly switched tactics. “I just mean… I’m sorry. For what I said at his funeral. And—And for—” His voice broke off, like he couldn’t quite bring himself to finish the sentence, but Merlin didn’t need him to. He knew what Arthur meant to say. He always did.

He turned to face him. His eyes must have been red, but Arthur didn’t say anything about it. He was clearly forcing himself to meet Merlin’s eye, and his own posture was stiff and worried. Merlin tilted his chin down, kept his eyes level and widened them just the smallest fraction. _I don’t blame you_ , it said, and he hoped Arthur could hear because he didn’t know if he was capable of speech at the moment.

Arthur’s brow furrowed, and his head tilted left. _Are you sure?_ it said. _I wouldn’t blame you_.

Merlin’s own brow furrowed, just a bit, and he forced a small, wry smile. Arthur’s shoulders slumped with relief. Merlin smiled a little more sincerely at him. Arthur smiled back.

They turned back to the river, but neither one of them picked the pole back up. They sat and watched the forest for a while longer, content in one another’s company.

Eventually, the sun was low enough that they either needed to head back, or walk in the dark. Arthur looked at him, a silent question. “We can stay longer if you want,” he said out loud. Merlin knew Arthur meant he would protect him, even if he wanted to walk back to the castle after sunset. He tilted his head gratefully, but stood.

They packed the meager snacks Merlin had brought with him, and what remained of the bundle of meats and cheeses Arthur had contributed. Arthur picked up the fishing pole, and they began the journey home.

For the first time that day, Merlin found his voice. “How did you find me?” he asked.

Arthur startled beside him, clearly not expecting any conversation. He lifted a hand to his neck, his cheeks dusting pink so faintly that Merlin knew no one else could have seen it in the fading light. For a moment, Merlin didn’t think he’d answer, but he must have still been feeling honest, because he said, “I remembered what day it was, so when Gaius said you’d be out all day, I was worried. I checked your room, and saw the fishing pole missing from Gaius’s quarters, so…” he trailed off, but Merlin knew he wasn’t done yet. “I told my father that I’d be hunting today, and grabbed some proper food from the kitchens because I know how you are when you only have yourself to look after, and I started for the river. Well, actually I checked the southern banks first, but I found you eventually.” There was a tinge of embarrassment in Arthur’s words, but Merlin suddenly felt warmed despite the chill in the air.

He caught Arthur’s eye and offered the most grateful smile he could manage. Arthur’s own expression softened at the sight. He smiled back.

They made their way back into the castle eventually. Merlin made to follow Arthur to his chambers, to prepare him and his chambers for bed, but Arthur stopped him. “Get some rest, Merlin. I think I can look after myself for one night at least.” Merlin didn’t believe that for one second. It must have shown on his face because Arthur adopted a look of mock offense before laughing softly. “FIne, George can look after me for one night,” he amended. Merlin smiled again. “Now, good night, Merlin,” he said pointedly.

And then he was walking away, moving towards his own chambers, but Merlin wasn’t ready to part quite yet. He would probably regret this in the morning. Merlin moved forward and pulled Arthur into a hug before he could stop himself. Arthur tensed in the hold, but relaxed quickly enough, melting into the embrace. They stood like that for a while, relaxing into the embrace. Eventually, Merlin felt ready to part, exhaustion seeping into his bones.

“Thank you,” he whispered. Before loosening his hold, just enough to tell Arthur he was fine now. Arthur’s arms tightened around him for a moment before releasing him entirely. Arthur smiled softly at him, nodded, and left.

Merlin went to bed himself, and as he slipped under the blanket, he thought about Will and Ealdor and Arthur and Camelot, and he didn’t feel so lonely anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! 
> 
> -Sinner


End file.
